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Okay. It is totally official now. There is definitely such a phenomenon as Post Traumatic Bling Syndrome. I always thought there had to be based on the short stories I write for Irish Dancing and Culture Magazine so I decided to prove it by doing in-the-field research at a feis (Irish dance competition) in Chicago last Saturday.The arena was so big that you could hardly see the people (from where I was sitting with my Liffey Rivers Irish Dancer Mysteries) on the other side of the convention center floor. This was good because I was able to to do both up close and personal research as well as the long distance observation kind of research.
I like to think that perhaps I will save thousands of innocents from future nausea, headaches and panic attacks with what I discovered at this feis. I remembered Sister Andrew, my sixth grade science teacher, said that in order to prove a scientific theory or hypothesis, you need to do tests. You have to test your theory and see if your hypothesis is correct.
Up until Saturday all I had ever done in the scientific world was...actually nothing. I had never set out to test and prove anything before.
But I knew I was on to something because Liffey's Aunt Jean has a bad case of Post Traumatic Bling Disorder. It was brought on due to her having been over exposed to glitter and stressors like Swarovski rhinestones and crystals at feiseanna. Apparently, some people are not bothered by these flashing jewels and remain symptom-free. Others, however, like myself, are susceptible and can suffer from headaches and nausea.
The most startling fact that I discovered while watching hundreds of twirling bodies during a very long day which seemed like one big laser show was that: If you wear sunglasses while watching the Glitterati go leaping by you to dim the light show, IT MAKES IT WAY WORSE!!!! This was totally unexpected and I felt like a true scientist when I put on sunglasses and made this discovery! You CANNOT wear sunglasses while you watch solo dresses decorated with rhinestones and flashy jewels flash by because it will literally make you sick to your stomach. I felt acute motion sickness. Like on a boat.
So. Do NOT wear sunglasses watching Irish dancers dipped in glitter unless you bring along your Dramamine. Post Traumatic Bling Disorder is really real.
Brenna Briggs is the author of the Liffey Rivers Irish Dancer Mysteries.
