Liffey Rivers: Post Traumatic Bling Syndrome

                    

 The following is an excerpt from the latest Liffey Rivers book:  

 LIFFEY RIVERS: FOUR MINI MYSTERIES (May 2011):

'The Mystery of the Temporary Trophy '

The photos are not in the book.

 

Aunt Jean was suffering from Post Traumatic Bling Syndrome.

The doctor on duty at the Liberty Torch Feis in New York told Liffey that he had been seeing more and more of this syndrome lately. Possibly because there were so many feiseanna these days. 

                              

Many Irish dancers were competing several times a month and some of these dancers would inevitably become overwhelmed by all the glitter and sparkle and would not be able to cope.

While Liffey’s Aunt Jean only competed at feiseanna occasionally, after Liffey told the doctor that her aunt had begun to talk endlessly about rhinestone poodle socks and solo dresses decorated with hundreds of Swarovski crystals, the doctor was fairly certain that at some point Aunt Jean’s brain had become dazzled. 

                              

Even though she had colored her dyed blonde hair coal black for the role of the bad girl in Lord of the Dance, Aunt Jean had apparently forgotten all about auditioning for the show and was now determined to become a famous Irish dance dress designer instead.

Ever since she had joined the local clown alley in Wisconsin and had become ‘Clown Tootles,’ Aunt Jean had been completely out of control. Liffey tried to be patient but it was difficult listening to her aunt going on and on about things like designing disposable paper solo dresses that could be thrown away after you danced at a feis. 

                                    

 Aunt Jean had a ‘vision’ of her solo dress designs morphing into skirted clown costumes covered with geometric shapes like triangles and squares and circles and diamonds. “My solo dresses will include color-coordinated clown noses which will match the dancer’s dress. And there will only be rainbow colored clown wigs, Liffey. Enough of those long, boring curls. Enough of them! One can never have too much color, Liffey. Never!”

  

                                

 ORDER FOUR MINI MYSTERIES  



'THE MYSTERY OF THE TEMPORARY TROPHY'

 "This New York feis was huge. There were over 1,700 dancers moving around in dresses smothered with twinkling bling. Liffey thought many of them looked like comets flashing through the sky when they danced.
         It had all been too much for Aunt Jean to handle and she collapsed on stage right after she placed fourth in her Reel. When the EMT stretcher deposited her aunt at the feis doctor's station, Aunt Jean rallied and started talking about her design visions again.
        The doctor listened carefully and diagnosed Aunt Jean‘s anxiety disorder. The doctor explained that with early intervention the psychological trauma Aunt Jean had experienced in the presence of so many sparkling stressors could eventually be brought under control.
       He told Liffey to take her Aunt Jean back to their hotel room for absolute bed rest and not allow her to watch shows like Dancing With the Stars because that might worsen her condition."

Excerpts From New Book: Four Mini Mysteries

                     

LIFFEY RIVERS AND THE WEREWOLVES OF OSSORY

Liffey sighed with relief. At least her friend was not yet on an expensive, all meat diet. ‘Aunt Jean is bound to notice I have already ordered enough meat to feed a football team.’

She poured a large bowl of cereal and placed it in front of Kathleen who was waiting politely, paws folded on the table, tongue dangling from her white and grey mouth. Then Liffey returned to the small kitchenette to get her own cereal. When she went back to the table, Kathleen was nowhere to be seen.

Liffey heard loud, satisfied slurping at the end of the hall by the door. When she investigated, she saw a large tail wagging back and forth and Kathleen on all fours, face pressed down into the bowl of Cheerios.

‘So much for normal behavior.’ Apparently Kathleen had walked down the hall like a human and then put the bowl down on the floor to dine.

‘How is Kathleen going to behave tomorrow afternoon at the feis? What if she walks around on all fours instead of standing up erect? What if she snarls at the judges or tries to bite the other dancers?’     

                                 

THE CASE OF THE CLUMSY CLOWNS

Liffey put her hand deep down into the tote bag and felt Max’s little jaw chewing on his sock. He was awake if she needed him.

When the clown with the big blue nose and grotesque blue jester hat reached their pew and extended his blue gloved hand, Liffey feared she might be his next victim. She put the tote bag on the floor sideways and tossed the clown toy she had hidden under her parka towards the blue nosed clown’s feet.

Next, in a quiet but firm command voice, Liffey gave the order: “Max Attack!”

Max tore out of the tote bag towards the indestructible clown toy but got confused and attached his little jaws around the real clown’s ankle instead. The real clown screamed. “Get your vicious dog off me or I’ll see you in court!” Max held on, growling and snarling, showing off for Liffey.

Aunt Jean slumped down in the shiny wooden pew and collapsed. Liffey was not quite sure what to do. Should she try to revive Aunt Drama Queen, who would probably then just go limp again, or risk approaching the blue nosed clown to pull Max off him?

Liffey knew the clown was faking the pain because Max’s little jaws had very little clenching power. His tiny teeth were dull from years of chewing on socks. He never sharpened them on dog bones. Liffey decided she had better disengage Max from the wailing clown’s ankle. 

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING NOVICE

‘She must have gone up only one flight of steps,’ Liffey decided, when out of nowhere she felt icy cold, bony fingers clamping down on her neck and a hoarse voice asking: “Are you following me young lady?” 

            Liffey could hardly catch her breath. It was obvious that this lady knew she was following her. Liffey resisted the impulse to yank the thin, icy fingers off her neck and flee as she lied: “Following you? Of course not!  Why would I be following you?”

“That’s what I would like to know. Now you listen to me, I may look old and feeble, but I am much more resourceful than you could ever imagine and I am warning you right now that if you slam into me or follow me one more time, you will deeply regret it.” Little pricking pins and needles began to run up and down Liffey’s back.

            Liffey was speechless as the old woman released her finger claws and walked away slowly, pulling her crippled left leg up each step by using the stretchy fabric of her baggy slacks.  She did not look like a formidable adversary. Dyed brown hair and overly tanned skin masked her true age.

“She’s probably over a hundred,” Liffey thought, feeling somewhat foolish as she watched the feeble woman struggling up the stairs with her bad leg. Still, Liffey had the strong feeling that this seemingly harmless old lady was a danger to someone. Liffey hoped it was not herself and quickly left the stairwell before the unpleasant woman had time to turn around to begin another verbal assault.    

                                  

  THE MYSTERY OF THE TEMPORARY TROPHY

She was not prepared for Mrs. Sherlock’s uncontrolled, violent reaction. Mrs. Sherlock grabbed Liffey by her short, blonde wig and yanked it right off her head. 

“What in the world do you think you are talking about, Liffey Rivers?” she shrieked.

‘How does that witch know my name?’ Liffey felt like she might throw up.

            There was a loud, disapproving outcry among the spectators surrounding the Murphy Family Perpetual Trophy stage.

The musician, who had already begun to play the intro bars to the Hornpipe for the first two dancers, stopped cold. Everyone was looking at the shocked girl in the black ribbed sweater dress whose wig had just been ripped off her head by the old lady sitting next to her. Heads were tilted to get a better look, and the audience surrounding the stage was whispering among themselves.

These are excerpts from the new book,  Liffey Rivers: Four Mini Mysteries.

http://liffeyrivers.com/ORDERBOOKS.html

Brenna Briggs is the author of the Liffey Rivers Irish Dancer mysteries:  www.liffeyrivers.com

LIFFEY RIVERS: FOUR MINI MYSTERIES

LIFFEY RIVERS: FOUR MINI MYSTERIES  is available immediately on Amazon.com at ORDER

Available through bookstores:  ISBN: 9781461103011 ($12.99) soon.

Going to sign books at the Louisville Feis on June 18th. Bring your Liffey Rivers books for signing or buy one/some and receive a pre-feis good luck spaghetti and meatballs charm.

Now on to finishing up THE ALASKAN SUN. An August deadline for this book is certainly looming as it is apparently May now.

THE ALASKAN SUN will tie up all the loose ends and answer all the questions books, 1, 2, 3 and 4 have introduced. After this Book #5 in the LIFFEY RIVERS IRISH DANCER mystery series, Liffey will move on to one book adventures....and there will be many!

Brenna Briggs is the author of the Liffey Rivers Irish Dancer Mysteries.
www.liffeyrivers.com